Monday, 25 July 2016

It feels like somebody shit on my soul

Everything can be going fine and dandy and then it feels like somebody shits on your soul.
Through some unkind words said in person or on social media, through a text message or through a look they give.

 I have realised, when go on a life journey that is different from the norm, old friends fall away from you and this sometimes hurts, people can be cruel, people who you thought had your best interests at heart are annoyed by your success or you hit a nerve when you talk or share something that is different to the way they live, they automatically think you are having a go at them, even family members can act this way or people who you have never met but think they 'know' you from your online presence.

 When I spend my day drinking tea, walking the dogs, watching romance films and snoozing, I am not lazy, have no job or taking the piss, I am living my life in a way which brings me joy, what you don't see is that I have either been up since 5am or I have gone to bed at 2am doing my work early or very late, because I can. You don't see that when you finish your job at 5pm and go home, that I am still doing admin, still organising, still creating until late. Don't blame me because you have chosen a job which you either don't like or it takes up so much of your time, so you don't have time for anything else. Don't compare my life to the one which you think I should live or the one made up in your head about how I live.

For example home education, when I talk about home ed and how great it is for kids and how the school system is shit, I am not saying you are a bad parent for sending your kids to school, I'm not saying your children are suffering going to school each day. I am talking about the experience we have had as a family, my opinions on the school system and its short fall.

When I talk about how I use certain toothpaste or shampoo that has no toxins in it or cancer causing substances, I am not saying you are a terrible person for using colgate or head and shoulders (or whatever brand you choose, they are the first ones that spring to mind), I am sharing the way we live, I am hoping to educate in a non judgmental way, in the hope that some people will discover more about it for themselves and make an informed decision.

When I share positive messages, memes or my art, don't think I am annoying (well you can if you want but actually think about why it is annoying you and you may get some solutions) because I am always happy, you don't see me on days where I feel like shit because I feel fat or my hormones are out of whack and I spend the day crying.

Also stop thinking I have it easy, I'm lucky or my head is in the clouds because I'm either a loon, fake or rich. Actually I will let you know it's because I have had a pretty awful time when I was a younger, my dad left my mum and she struggled for years to look after me and my sister because of poverty and depression, when I finally was reunited with my dad he wasn't really all I imagined him to be because he was screwed up from his mum (my grandma) killing herself and he found her in the bath. I was a young mum pregnant at 17, I suffered domestic violence for 8 years, was a single parent to 3 boys for another 8 years, had problems with alcohol and drugs (coping mechanism to block out my shitty existence), was so poor I burned furniture in the fire because I couldn't afford coal and the stories could go on and on but I don't want to bore you, anyway thats why I am positive and happy and yes, my head is in the clouds because I choose for it to be there, because I found a different way of living, rather than just existing.

I found that if I read books, watched inspiring videos, surrounded myself with 'awakened' people, ate better and made better choices, I felt better, this had a ripple effect and now each day I choose happiness over sorrow, I choose to feel rich because I have a loving family, my creative gifts, time to do and be who I want not because of how much money I have (or haven't) in my bank.

I have been talking to quite a few friends lately about this and they are all feeling the same way, it seems when you are on the right path and you have discovered the things you love to do, your light is shining so bright, people are either inspired by you and you get lovely messages, awesome and kind words which make your day or they despise you, they feel you are rubbing their noses in it or are untrue, they make up lies to themselves about how horrid you are to blame you for making them feel bad.

What a shame that it is this way, what a shame that everyone can't see the good through clear eyes, what a shame that everyone can't have therapy to sort out their pasts, what a shame everyone can't find true happiness and feel glad everyday just to be alive.

What is really messed up is, these same people who feel judged by you and your life are the ones who do the judging, telling you what you should do.

"get a real job" -  one working for the man I guess

"wear normal clothes" - I'm not even going to comment on this

"get a mortgage/go to uni/buy a car" - all the things to keep you trapped  and in the system

"your kids will suffer from keeping them at home" - of course being safe and happy is bad

"you will learn" - learn what exactly? how to be miserable?

I feel that artists, creatives, musicians, alternative lifestyles to the norm are all deemed as unworthy and to be pitied, unless you start making it big and then it flips and you are arrogant, lucky, self centered, fake.

So to sum it all up, you can't actually 'win' either way. Friends come, friends go, family is kind, family sucks, your only purpose in this life is to be happy, to give love, to receive love and hopefully make a difference in some way by helping others and this in turn lets you help yourself.

Love Dotty xx

1 comment:

Carol said...

Hi Dotty
Some people don't like change because they feel threatened or scared of your success and may no longer feel good enough for you.
Some people change when they have some success and become arrogant and self centred. Reading your blog I don't think this applies to you. I think you are enjoying the moment and why shouldn't you, you've earned it, you've put in the hours and done the work.
Don't worry about the people who fall off at wayside, they are the one with the problem.
Hope you have a lot more success with your art it's lovely I just wish I had a bit of your talent.