Its been an amazing year, some ups and downs, lots of learning, lots of growing and healing myself.
We said goodbye to a beautiful soul Calum, who just couldn't be in this world anymore. We love and miss you, but at least you have peace now my lovely x
I tried a 'real' job as a resort ambassador and visited all the attractions Blackpool has to offer -very weird for me.
Saw some amazing sunsets in my own town of Blackpool - didn't realise how great they are!
But it did show me how to be tolerant towards others who haven't reached as far on their journeys, it also taught me why people who work full time don't really have loads of hobbies, its so tiring and all you want to do when you come home is eat and go to bed.
I also realised how idiotic parts of the council are and how they don't actually listen to the people who live here, its all about image and glitz. Nothing about compassion or really making a change for the better, so after a couple of months I quit. All the drama made me ill, it wasn't good for my soul or for my true purpose.
I asked the universe for a sign to help me decide what to do because the wages were great and it stopped me worrying about how to pay the bills but it wasn't making my heart sing, so the universe answered. There was a man with long grey hair, a bit shabby, shouting how Blackpool is the pit of despair, its full of whores and sinners, he intrigued me so much to the horror of my colleagues I went over to talk to him (in full ambassador uniform) he stepped back away from me and was very wary, I asked why he thought Blackpool was so bad and where he lived, he was cagey at first ( I think the uniform put him off) and I said I meant him no harm and he wasn't in trouble, I just wanted to talk to him. He opened up and we started having a chat, then he did a double blink, looked me up and down and said "you don't belong in that uniform, what do you think your doing?, you know that your light shines from within, the lights on the front (illuminations) are giving false happiness, you know this town is trying to sell happiness masked as all the attractions and bright lights, you know this is wrong" (he was spot on) I thanks him and asked his name (my mind thinking it would be something profound like Ezekiel) he said it was Tony! I told him he was my sign from the universe and walked away, knowing right then that was the day I would quit. (I later told my boss the story and he looked at me like I was mental haha).
So after leaving the council (never to return again) I knew magical things were coming, I knew I had to fully trust in the universe, it would always support me as it always had done before. ( I just never realised until that point)
Had fun in a yurt, a camping pod and a stately home, had a crystal bath, led a foraging walk, did some guerrilla gardening,
Travelled to some beautiful places, stayed in some lovely hotels, including Torquay, London, Grisdale, Manchester, Hebden Bridge, Hawes, Haworth, Congleton, Scorton, Lancaster, Garstang, Stratford upon Avon, York.
Discovered the Custard Factory in Birmingham, whilst staying on a envoy conference for Leftcoast
Was part of an amazing Showzam festival and ball, and this photo by Claire Griffiths of me was used in Leftcoasts promo magazine.
Did public speaking for the first time to a large audience to talk about being a volunteer and what it means to help others, as part of volunteering I was part of a parade from Tram Sunday pushing a giant contraption with a trumpet player on the top.
I also got funded by the Big Lottery Fund
to do an 8 week course with young (under 25) mums to teach them to
cook, all about natural living, sewing, knitting, open up their worlds
with vision boards, dreaming, yoga and meditation and have a trip to a
farm to learn about growing foods and herbs. I am so excited to do this
because I was a young mum, I had 3 children under the age of 5 when I
was 23 and it was hard work, especially because a year later I was a
single parent. Knowing I can help these women in any tiny way fills me
Said goodbye to my lovely Tricycle Suzie, she finally broke down, never to be repaired (can't get the parts anymore) I will miss her so much.
Got more into yoga, (thanks Kelly you beauty) learnt more at the yoga lessons than just the moves. A friendship has grown and we are both on magical paths of success.
Went to Greenwich and Docklands International Festival, as part of Leftcoast envoys, saw some weird and wonderful performances, it was boiling when we was there and the tube was so hot, but everyone was really friendly and there are some great quirky shops and the market was amazing, so many vegan food stalls!
I also experienced jealousy and hatred from a past friend who really tried her best to break Tom and I up, after 9 years of being together and the relationship we have, thankfully we managed to work through it together and I feel it has made us stronger as a couple. I was so upset at the time, it seems the more you try and do wonderful things and put yourself out there, there are more people not wanting you to succeed, I feel its because they don't really want you to change and grow, it stirs up emotions in them that they don't know how to deal with. I have come to realise though, that I am not going to dim my shine because of how it makes others feel, that is an issue they have to deal with. I am just going to send them love and light and know (hopefully) one day they will awaken to their own dreams coming true.
Had my mandala tattoo to cover up an old chinese symbol, it has made me feel like my goddess is coming out properly without apology. Rikki Baird from Retro Ink did this.
Gathered goodness from the allotment, learnt more about growing and using herbs and herbal remedies, we also moved plot from a half size to a full size that we found out floods :( something to work on next year. My oldest friend I share it with and I go and sit and chat about life and family and potter around, its like a mini escape.
I was very proud of my middle son Adam for achieving student of the year at college, I am not into certificates or grades etc, I think everyone can shine in their own way without it being independently measured by a system but I was proud because he has been homeschooled and around 12-13 I stopped teaching him anything, he chose what to do with his time and many well meaning friends/family told me I was doing him an injustice and ruining his life not having him formally educated, so well done Adam for showing them how wrong they were ;)
Went to Blackburns lantern festival for a new friends birthday - thanks Becky, had a great time singing in the cathedral and seeing all the amazing lanterns the children had made.
I also met loads of new like minded wonderful people by going to lovely holistic events like Shakti dancing, full moon meditation, sound healing, love and health retreats. Plus the power of fb has worked its magic and I have virtually met amazing people from around the world who touch my life on a daily basis.
Volunteered at The Wonder Inn and took part in an brilliant hammock launch. They have some amazing holistic events on.
Experienced the amazing Empty Hands Music when I was blessed enough to attend part of their tour, thank you Linda x
before I went I was really down and crying all the time, I was sad but didn't know why and I was really unsure whether to go to the Empty Hands night, but I thought I would just go to get me out the house and find out about it, that evening changed me, I had hope again and felt so happy, I knew I had to get myself together and do something wonderful, that's when I became serious about my art.
Saw my friends grow and do amazing things but most of all I learnt to be so grateful for everything I have, everything I have experienced, all those who touch my heart daily and the gift of life.
2015 was transformational, I feel like I have grown more this year than any other, I have learnt so much about myself, I have worked on my inner child, I have read so many amazing books and discovered loads of wonderful things and people including:
My gorgeous lovely friend Helen, you have taught me so much.
But most of all this man Tom Walsh
makes my world a great place to be in, I am so grateful for the endless
supply of tea, the toast at various times of day and night, the way I
can be a grubby tinker and he loves me for it, the laughing, the hugs,
the way we have grown together and have many adventures and look forward
to so many more. I am so grateful how hard he has worked to get our new home ready, how much he does to support me and all my mad ideas, how he has always got my back and how I can always be me without judgement. I bloody love you shrew, more than all the stars in the sky x
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Here's to 2016