Thankfully we communicate really well and I had been on a love retreat at a beautiful place called Blisslands where the wonderful Dawn and Lionel made us feel so welcome, surrounded by love and light.
What to do?You want to intensely connect on all levels, more than just the physical, we started off in a small step by watching a tantric massage video on Youtube to get some ideas, then we researched on a tantra website and learnt its all about breathing with each other, not losing contact by taking hands off, being conscious about the touch which we tend to do without really being aware and present and that makes a massive difference, so closing eyes and actually feeling the sensations you an feel with your hands, the difference in texture etc too.
Then I got a bit carried away and bought a complete idiots guide to tantric sex because I wanted to start off with the easy stuff!
a pack of tantra cards which have lovely pictures but there is a lot of anal stuff in there and we are not really into that so we have only laughed at them really and they are collecting dust on a shelf now.
What we learned.Its great too that you can take it in turns, so one night its your turn to receive massage (yoni) and the next time is his turn (lingam).it's important to make a big deal out of preparing your room so it is lovely and tidy , get some orange and red in there for passion such as bedding, cushions, etc, light candles, they give your skin a nice glow, have incense or oils, put some music on that you save for lovemaking, we like the lightness of being (we love Indian stuff) but you choose whatever you feel comfy with, if its your turn to be pampered, had a bath with lovely smelling bath salts etc in, dress in clothes that will make you feel good (not necessarily sexy ones) but ones you would feel like a goddess in, it is really surprising when you use all your senses before coming into contact with your partner how the passion is really rising before you even touch each other.
I won't go into personal details as I am sure my partner wouldn't be comfortable with it, and I have to respect his boundaries but I will say it was the best love making we have ever had!
You don't have to be all flexible and get into weird positions either so don't be put off by that.
it does take a lot of energy though and it is really important to rest and sleep afterwards, especially for men as part of their energies lifeforce is lost through orgasm.
I will leave you with this intensely sensual video about how a woman would like a man to kiss her, that is doing the rounds of facebook friends, turn the music off on it to gain the full effect.
Watch it here
Keep communicating, learning and connecting, make time to go to bed just to cuddle and chat for an hour in the day, hold hands when watching films or out walking, kiss, snog and be silly with each other. Try not to let the fact of children get in the way of the relationship because one day they wil be grown up and you don't want to be left with a partner who you haven't any connection with. Write each other notes, smile and forget the little things like his socks on the floor or her make up on the side, these things are not important, what is important is gratitude, love and being thankful everyday you get to wake up with someone wonderful.