Tuesday, 28 February 2012

whats the matter grumpy?

This is what I've felt like the past few days ^

I just wanted to be warm and cosy in my burrow, its been so cold and rainy lately it has made my procratination levels soar and I have been feeling rather down about life, I think a lot of people dont admit when things get on top of them, I know I don't, I just smile and say "yeah I'm fine" when asked, but instead I would like to be honest and say "you know what, NO I'm not ok, I feel crappy, I feel like screaming rather loudly and stamping my feet like a two year old, I want to forget work, forget making dinner, forget homeschooling and hide under the duvet until the sun comes out and this dark feeling passes".

Periods, they are blamed for a lot of this hormonal disruption and yes I do know when I'm being a bitch and have a weepy day and that is def down to periods but other times, times when all around you seems happy and nice do you get this despair and nothings good feeling?

I have suffered from postnatal depression in the past and got so low at one point in my life a long time ago that I tried (and failed obviously) to kill myself, I think it was a cry for help rather than me not wanting to live, I was in a very bad relationship at the time and had no support from family. This was one of my lowest points, so I know what it is like to be depressed.
I'm not depressed now, I'm not talking about depression with the feelings I described, more of an nagging feeling of despair that passes as quickly as it comes.

I am, I think a positive person, one who tries to see the good in all we do, one who has a happy life with an adorable partner and 3 lovely (if not rather trying ) teens, I craft , I bake, I have good friends, I enjoy my life, I am thankful but still I feel like crap some days.
We are going to a discover your true potential seminar tonight so I'm hoping my black cloud will pass and tomorrow I will wake with new vigour and a real smile.
Thanks for reading my rant, its nice to have a blog to say how I really fell sometimes x

1 comment:

rosieposie said...

So sorry you are feeling out of sorts, the weather is a bit all over the place at the mo though don't you think? when the sun shines we all feel good. I too have black days and I know what you mean it's not depression (of which I have had seriously in the past) just a feeling of wanting to be left on your own for a while, it's a feeling you just cant explain! a mood that just has to pass.